Couple therapy

and sexuality

A few years ago it was common to think that a couple's sexuality was the mirror of the marital relationship. If things were not right, sexuality was not right. If sexuality was not satisfactory (or did not exist), it was expected that there would quickly be a betrayal. And, to a certain extent, it made sense to think that way, as it often corresponded to reality.

Nowadays, however, taking into account the changes in the social roles of men and women, taking into account the new types of marital relationships and the social acceptance of them, taking into account the standards and demands in what concerns sexuality, sexual intercourse ceased to be a mirror of the couple's problems, becoming just a “possible symptom”. Of course, all this requires a contextualization of the couple and their problems.

There are cases in which sexual intercourse is one of the few things that normally works in the couple. In other cases, it is the first warning sign for the relational problems that are beginning to arise.

Sex, intimacy, sharing and affection go hand in hand with our relational well-being, with our self-esteem and self-confidence. Thus, it is important to be aware of our sexual relationship, our desires and the desires of the other.

Sex should not be used as a punishment or bargaining chip in any "war" with your spouse. Or rather, to be used, it should be with well-defined rules and communication without many constraints.

Our relationships are also made up of conditions and sexual intercourse can be in those conditions, as long as the rules are clear to all parties. You give me something and I'll give you something else in return. Just think that a few generations ago that rule would be something like "give me affection and I have sex with you".

Thus, good communication is essential, inside and outside the “sex” theme, for a good marital relationship. There are authors / marital therapists who consider that sexual intercourse should be almost a chore or routine for the couple. Even if there is someone in the relationship who does not have much desire, there must be a demand from both parties for a moment of intimacy to be provided and there is pleasure in that moment. In other words, sexual intercourse should be the last stronghold of the couple to be affected and not the first.

For this it is important that there are these clear rules, the conditions for the relationship and healthy communication - not only in relation to sex !!

Healthy communication, healthy relationship. Thus, it is essential that there is a sharing of desires, needs and expectations. We need to know what we want, what we crave and what motivates us so that sexual intercourse continues to be pleasurable.

Sex continues to play a very strong role in our intimacy, in our self-esteem and in our well-being in the relationship. It should be another tool to be used so that the couple is well and not the opposite!